Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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