turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
