I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
