I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
