I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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