She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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