Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
