We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
