Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
