Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
