Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
