i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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