I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
