I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
