that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
