He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
