No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
