i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
