I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize