'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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