Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I enjoy the company of your penis
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
