How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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