Please, let me fuck your mom
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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