I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us