Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
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OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.