If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it glows. i had to have it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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