I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.