My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
