I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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