I just threw up on my dentist
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
