I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
