her vagine was all disorganized.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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