hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
