and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
