omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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