i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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