I have demons in me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm like, not good at living.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
