I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
