this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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