And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
