my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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