When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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