So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
