Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
