He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
