the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
