Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
