I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
