someone threw a dead crab at me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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