It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Someone shattered a urinal.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
