Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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