She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
