Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
