What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
