went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
