i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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