Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
