haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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