Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
