Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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