Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
