when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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