You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
