Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
