The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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