he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
