Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
pop tarts are not kleenex
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
