So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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