i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
