Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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