did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
