I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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