I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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