Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
