Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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