i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
