you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
