remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
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I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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