Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
