i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
