a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
