i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
