you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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