I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
